Growing up surrounded by evangelical circles I was constantly told that I can’t trust my heart.
The way they do this is by teaching you from a young age that you were born a selfish sinner in need of forgiveness and since your human who’s innately sinful then you can’t trust your heart because it’ll just lead you astray.
This kind of mind fuck deeply impacts you throughout your entire life.
Not only that, but it also sets you up for abuse and manipulation.
If you can’t trust your own heart to guide you then you must rely on your parents, pastor, or elders.
I speak from experience. As a young adult all I wanted was to please God but since I couldn’t trust myself, I leaned heavily on my pastor’s opinion and view.
- My major in college, picked by him.
- My friends, picked by him.
- How I dressed, influenced heavily by him.
- Stopped wearing make-up for a time because he said I was vein.
- Didn’t visit my family often, because he told me they didn’t really love me.
And SOOO much more.
This kind of distrust in yourself chips away at you over time and eventually leads you to disconnect from your body.
Our heart is where our emotions live. (figuratively) So when we are taught to not trust our own heart, we in turn don’t trust our own emotions.
Do I love this, or is this the devil trying to distract me from God?
Am I angry or is the devil just using it as a wedge between me and John Doe?
Do I feel depressed because life is too much right now or is a demon attacking me and stealing my joy?
On, and on, and on.
Do you see the connection now?
Ok so how do we reconnect?
Practice. Lots and lots of practice.
Learn to make decisions that feel right to you without fear, shame, or guilt.
Learn to sit with your emotions, all of them. Don’t sweep emotions under the rug because you’re past indoctrination is telling you it’s just the devil. All this does is rob you of growth and life expierences.
Sitting with hard emotions helps us grow, heal, and reconnect with our body.
When you experience a big emotion like shame, anger, hurt, betrayal, guilt, etc. take a second to stop and take note of how your physically body is reacting to it. Not how you feel emotionally, but what your body is telling you.
- Do you have knots in your stomach?
- Do you feel shacky?
- Does your mind shut off?
- Do you feel numb or tingly?
- Do you feel hot, cold, or sweaty?
By doing this it helps you to start connecting your emotions to how your body physically reacts. This will help you not only process through the emotions, but easily identify what emotions you’re feeling and how each one effects your body different.
Reconnecting takes time, so be patient with yourself. If you want help and someone to walk this journey with you, schedule a trauma recovery coaching consultation here.
This journey can be lonely and overwhelming, but it doesn’t have to be.