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Laci Bean

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April 22 · Leave a Comment

Why You Should Stop Trying To Do It All and Start Asking For Help

Growth· Self Development

I can’t tell you how many times I use to scroll through Instagram or Facebook and think to myself, “man, so many other moms sure seem to “do it all.” Then I would start to wonder how. How are they able to follow their dreams, have a career, keep up their house, maintain their marriage, spend quality time with their kids, take amazing photos to post to their social media accounts, make healthy amazing looking meals, work out regularly, build friendships, and somehow hold onto a strong and unshakable relationship with God. How?

For me it wasn’t just overwhelming, but it seemed impossible. That is until I realized it’s all an illusion. A big, fat, shame filled illusion that is lying to mom after mom after mom and making us all feel ashamed and inferior.

No One Does it All… NO ONE!

Here’s the thing, no one, and I mean no one, does it all. I promise. I’m even talking about those influencers and celebrities you follow on Instagram. None of them do it all. The reason they look that good in their photos is because they have a stylist who helps them pick out outfits. They have social media manages who are helping them manage and style each and every post. They have chefs or personal cooks who come in and make their family meals. So, trust me, they don’t do it all.

Now don’t get me wrong. None of that stuff I just listed out is a bad thing. You can bet your butt that if I could afford it I would, without a doubt, hire someone to come into my home and cook my family’s dinners as well as teach me how to be a better cook. I’d even hire someone to go shopping with me because nowadays I walk into a clothing store and my anxiety is through the roof. I have no idea what styles look good together or how in the world to dress my body type. I want to dress cute, but I don’t know how. So, if I could afford to pay someone to help me accomplish that I would in a heartbeat.

The thing I want you to realize is that they have help. In some way shape or form, they have help. End of story. There’s no way that a person, especially a celebrity, can do it all without having the help of others around them. The same goes for you. Yes, I do understand that their access to help is probably a bit easier than what it is for you and I, but help is help no matter what it looks like.

If you want to take some night classes and you have kids, then you need to find some help watching or caring for your littles while you are at class or studying, even if that help comes from your spouse. If you want to be a better cook, then you’re going to have to hire someone to teach you or to watch your kids while you attend cooking classes. If you want to start a career, then you may need help by finding someone who can watch your kids while you’re gone or even hire a cleaning service to come to your home every other week.

Help is help, no matter if it’s from a hired chef or stylist, from your husband taking on more household chores or hours of solo parenting kid duty, or ordering your groceries online and letting someone else do the shopping for you. Let me say that again. Help is help no matter what it looks like or who it comes from. Accept it, appreciate it, and stop trying to do everything on your own.

Stressed & Overwhelmed

If you can’t let go of some control and allow others to help you, then it’s going to leave you exhausted, stressed, and overwhelmed. Wanting to be a better person in multiple areas of your life as well as chasing after your dreams isn’t a bad thing, but you have to understand that if you can’t pick and choose what’s most important for this current season of your life and relinquish some control by asking for help, then you’re going to get stressed and overwhelmed while ultimately not really moving forward.

In my post “Why You Shouldn’t Set New Year’s Resolutions” I talk about how to set goals and focus on 1 area of your life at a time. You can go read it for a more in-depth explanation, but in a nut shell it says to focus on one area of your life (business, health, family ect.) and give it your all. Doing this will in turn have a positive effect in the other areas of your life. Once you master that area by either reaching your goal or doing it so much it has turned into an ingrained habit then move on to a different area.

Let the Little Things Go

Like I said before, when it comes to goals you need to focus on one big area of your life at a time. This means that you will need to find the things that don’t matter to you and drop them like a bad habit. Is there a mom group you attend that isn’t really doing anything for you? Stop going. Need to save money so you can hire a babysitter once a week? Stop buying your morning latte and now you can afford the babysitter. Does it annoy you to have your husband fold the laundry because he does it wrong? Get over it.

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Stop stressing over the little things or worrying that you may hurt someone’s feelings because you need to take some stuff off your plate. Those who really care about you will understand and be supportive, the ones that don’t probably shouldn’t be a part of your life anyway. Sounds a little harsh, I know, but it’s the truth.

True Balance

Having your life all in balance is another one of those myths that tricks you into believing you can do it all when in reality it’s just another illusion. Balance is something that is always changing. Some seasons you will need to give more time and attention to your kids than your career or dreams while other seasons you may have to put your dreams on hold or you may get to run full force after them. Every season of life for every person is going to look different so the only way to find true balance is to work within your current season of life and embrace what it brings.

When my second daughter was born we were living in a 250sq foot fifth wheel 45 minutes from the main town. For the first 6 months of her life we had multiple doctor, therapy, and nursing appointments every single week. This meant there was little to no room to add anything extra onto my plate. After she was a year old and we moved into a normal house, things started to slow down, and I was able to shift my focus. This new season allowed me to pour a lot of time and energy into starting this blog and going after my dreams.

Even though I wasn’t chasing after my goals during her first year of life, I was still right where I needed to be. For that season my balance didn’t include pouring into my dreams, but that’s ok. If I would have tried to add more to my already hectic life it would have left me 10x more stressed and worn-out than I already was. I know we all wish there was this magical pie chart that broke up how much time and energy we should put into all the different areas of our life every day. I’m sure it would look something like the graphic below.

Unfortunately, these dreams of balance and being able to do it all are just big, fat, harry unrealistic myths that are demeaning to mom’s everywhere. If you have dreams and goals in life chase them but remember you can’t do it all so ask for help, let the little things go, and find your balance for the season of life you are in and work within that.

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Hello! I’m Laci…

Hi my name is Laci & I’m a deconstructing exvangelical who’s passionate about helping others heal from religious trauma and find what spirituality means to them. Read More….

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laci__bean

On our way to go grocery shopping today the kids a On our way to go grocery shopping today the kids asked for music. So my husband turned on a local Christian radio station. As I sat in the car listening to the lyrics I couldn’t help but think about the parts of the Bible they just didn’t tell us about in childhood. 🤔🫠
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#deconstruction #exvangelical #exvangelicals #exvangelicalbeliever #faithunraveled #sundayschoolstoriesyougotwrong #religioustraumasyndrome #religioustrauma #questioningfaith
I’ve missed this! ❤️ #thunderstorm #lightnin I’ve missed this! ❤️ #thunderstorm #lightning #stormsinthesouth #peace #tennessee
Thank you @immrsspacecadet & @running.4.funning fo Thank you @immrsspacecadet & @running.4.funning for encouraging me to start running again! #strugglerun #mentahealth #idothisforthedopamine
She’s back to brunette! I may have cried when I She’s back to brunette! I may have cried when I made the decision but 1 year of bleaching my roots and rocking the purple (when I’m not a professional) made my hair dry and damaged as 🦆! I knew that it wouldn’t be long until I was rockin wigs (no shame, wigs are great but EXPENSIVE) if I kept up the purple. This is not the brunette I wanted but it’s what we’re working with. (It’s lighter in person.)
It’s not lost on me that this was the shirt I wo It’s not lost on me that this was the shirt I wore today…
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It’s been a hell of a past 20 days. The number 1 It’s been a hell of a past 20 days. The number 1 lesson I’ve learned?? I NEVER WANT TO BE A LANDLORD BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE GROSS!
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#peoplearegross #why #🤮 #landlordlife #notforme
IT’S HOT! #livingdownsouth #itshot #tennessee #t IT’S HOT! #livingdownsouth #itshot #tennessee #tennesseelife
It’s always amazing when you get to meet tik Tok It’s always amazing when you get to meet tik Tok friends in real life! Thanks for grabbing a coffee with me and my fam! @red_sage1
Why do I one like pictures of me when I’m being Why do I one like pictures of me when I’m being weird? 😂😂
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#embracingmyweirdness #bodypositivity #feelingpretty #beyou
It’s been a hell of a few weeks and it’s not c It’s been a hell of a few weeks and it’s not close to ending, but every day we are getting a little more settled.
🖤
Being flexible is our motto at the moment. We have a mice problem in the basement of our new house which has cut us off to our 3rd bedroom, storage space, and my office until it can get treated and the insulation replaced.
🤦🏼‍♀️
Please send all the good thoughts, vibes, and prayers our way that this gets taken care of before our stuff arrives from ID or we will have to store our belongings and continue sitting on lawn chairs and sleeping on air mattresses. (I know, I know, 1st word problems.)
☁️
BUT DAMN!! Tennessee is BEAUTIFUL! Like drop dead gorgeous 
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#tennessee #easttennessee #crosscountrymove #gowiththeflow #beflexible #onedayatatime #lifeisajourney
I’m definitely back in the south. I’ve only be I’m definitely back in the south. I’ve only been here a few hours and I’ve already been called sweetheart and ma’am!😂
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#livinginthesouth #southerncharm #tennessee #backinthesouthyall
This is me trying to step away from social media f This is me trying to step away from social media for a couple weeks. I may not be successful but it’s worth a shot. But please remember if you need me, my email is open and I will continue to check it regularly.
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#selfcare #mentalhealthawareness #settingboundaries #puttingmyselffirst #socialmediabreak
Allow yourself the time to grieve and process. Allow yourself the time to grieve and process.
I grew up in small town Texas. Where everyone kno I grew up in small town Texas.

Where everyone knows everyone and somehow we are all inter-connected.

When I visited my grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins we gathered in more small towns.

These are the kinds of small towns that most people would never know exist, and the townspeople are more than happy to keep their hometown out of the public eye so they can preserve that small town feel.

These towns have a way of making you feel safe, that’s why many people call them home.

After I got married my parents moved to Uvalde for my dad’s work and lived there for a couple years.

The Uvalde house was the last place my mom, dad, and all my siblings and I spent Christmas together.

Uvalde is another one of those small Texas towns, but unfortunately everyone now knows this town.

But what they don’t know is how a tragedy like this impacts a small town.

It hits different.

Small towns people are inter-connected in a deep way.

Uvalde citizens are mourning the loss of their child, their child’s best friend(s), their child’s teacher whom they may have known for years or even grew up with. Teens and adults are mourning the loss of the child they babysat.

Some may be mourning all of the above at the same time.

I’m mourning for them. For complete strangers.

I have a child in public school and I can’t imagine experience this kind of trauma.

From the moment I heard the news I broke. I don’t hide my emotions well, so my kids know I’m upset.

They asked why but I didn’t tell them. I just said that there was something on the news that made me sad.

I know she will probably hear about it at school tomorrow and come home with questions.

I won’t know what to say. Just like I didn’t know what to say or how to explain the fact that we didn’t have ‘active shooter drills’ growing up like she does.

The reality is, this is her normal, because this is the new normal.

I hate it.

We need change.
When is enough, enough? Thoughts and prayers don’t make change.
#weneedguncontrol #stopgunviolence
“I would give anything to be your size.” The “I would give anything to be your size.”

The few times I’ve opened up about being unhappy with my body I get that response, or even, “You don’t know what real body image issues are.”

So I shut up. Feeling as if my insecurities were invalid because I wasn’t big enough to have them, I stopped opening up and silently hated my body and berated it in my own head.

I finally opened up to a dear friend who is a survivor of anorexia, in which the battle almost claimed her life. She not only listened, but validated all my feelings. For the first time I felt seen. Thank you @lacijanea 

I’m still processing and to be honest I still hate my body. At this point I’m not trying to learn to love my body, I’m just trying to accept it, then maybe eventually I can love it.

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#tattoos #addictedtotattoos #womenwithtattoos #momswithtattoos #tattoosarelife
When you start calling out the church for their to When you start calling out the church for their toxic behavior and the harm they have inflicted the names start flying.
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#deconstruction #deconstructingfaith #deconstructingchristianity #religionshouldnthurt #toxicchristianity
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